just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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