My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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