I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
