I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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