you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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