forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Too much gin, very little bucket
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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