3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
im six kinds of drunk right now
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
