Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He? As in you personified your dick?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
