idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
