Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
this boner is exhausting
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
