Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
