Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
No subtext here. People are naked.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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