People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
