Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
We named our party play list daddy issues
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
