Yo dont text me then not text me
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Randomize
