I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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