I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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