im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
