sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
the day after is always just damage control
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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