True but thats because hes a fetus.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
