Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
