I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
