I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
