I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
