Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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