there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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