No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
