He asked to "fluff my boner.."
just tell him i said nine months
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
