thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
