The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
