Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
