just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
