just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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