just come out here and I will go home with you...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
