At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize