His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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