im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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