i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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