its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
