small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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