Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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