I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
