i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
