So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i think i just lost a toe
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
