i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
my shit smells like andre
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
