Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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