I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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