so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
