How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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