so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
