I hate all girls vehemently.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
