Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
