it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
