woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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