And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
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