i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
